Reasoning With Vampires

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Since I know a lot of you share my love for fonts… On January 23, yourfonts.com is celebrating...

Since I know a lot of you share my love for fonts…

On January 23, yourfonts.com is celebrating National Handwriting Day by letting you make as many free fonts out of your handwriting as you want. Only good 1/23/13. Use coupon CPN4MOM2013 when you check out.

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http://reasoningwithvampires.spreadshirt.com/

http://reasoningwithvampires.spreadshirt.com/

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Anonymous asked you: Okay, I am a teenage girl. I’m just thirteen. Like most of the girls of...

Anonymous asked you: Okay, I am a teenage girl. I’m just thirteen. Like most of the girls of my age, I have read Twilight. I like it. It was the first book series I finished, and, after that, I discovered that I liked reading and that I’m pretty good at writing. Now, three years after I first picked up a Twilight book, I see that they’re bad written. I now know what a good book is. But I can’t help loving them. And I feel bad for that. What would you say to me?

Dearest Anya,

I would say: Don’t feel bad about that. I don’t want to sound like a condescending adult, but you were only ten! When I was ten, I thought a curly perm was a good idea.

Darling, you have a lifetime ahead of you with no shortage of hindsight revelations which will leave you cringing at your own dubious judgement. Give yourself a pass on this one.

Besides, sometimes these things can’t be helped. You loved it, and love has a tendency to linger regardless of logic. Your love persists because a couple of years ago you formed an attachment to Twilight. It’s just like how every time I see Tim Curry, I’m instinctively suspicious of him. I will always doubt the nobility of any character he portrays because the first movie I saw him in was Legend, in which he played The Lord of Darkness (actually).

On the bright side, you’re getting a head start on learning how to be in love with an asshole. At some point in your future, you might fall for a person who isn’t good enough for you and even possibly a girl or guy who is straight up bad for you. You will be able to draw upon this experience, acknowledging the lust but moving on to someone who deserves your attention. Think of it as jackass practice.

While Twilight is emphatically NOT an awesome book, it was a catalyst for your literary awakening, and that itself is quite awesome.

I think you’re going to be fine.

Reassuringly yours,
Dana

P.S. (Please read this correction in a Mary Poppins-esque nurturing-but-assertive tone.) In the future, use the adverb “badly” when modifying verbs. The books are badly written. See also: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

Why do you spend so much time reading something you hate?

I doubt the good people at the CDC love Ebola. I’m a literary epidemiologist.

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